The Lost Week

I took a break. Let’s talk about it.

At first, I had just had a week from hell that put me behind. I could have easily taken that week in stride, regrouped, and moved on like nothing happened. But one week turned to two, and here we are. So let me get us up to speed:

I did read, write commentary on, and complete the tasks for weeks three and four. The commentaries for both of those weeks are already posted at my time of writing this.

I am happy to report that I have stayed consistent on the morning pages. I think I have only missed one day in the last month. I am very proud of that. If you take nothing else from this process, know that the journal pages work. Sitting down every day to write three pages for any extended amount of time shows a lot of discipline. That’s something to be proud of.

In all honesty, I have been beating myself up about this break. I keep telling myself that I’m repeating old patterns and need to be better disciplined. I’ve also been in a headspace that isn’t very conducive to good writing or consistency. I’ve been fluctuating through bouts of anxiety and melancholy with pockets of joy in between. I can’t tell if the fluctuations are from stress or hormonal. What I do know is that writing in the journal has helped.

It’s important to learn how to forgive oneself. I’m my biggest critic. I beat myself up for things that happened a decade ago. I’m learning to give myself grace. In the past, I would have taken this break, marked it as a failure, and abandoned it. The Artist’s Way, the blog, the morning pages, all of it down the drain. That’s basically what happened the first time I did The Artist’s Way. I’m choosing to look at it now as the time I took to avoid burnout. I just took a step back to deal with real life because allowing it all to pile up while still putting pressure on myself to create is how I ended up not being able to create at all.

Of course, I still feel guilty when I’m not as productive as I should be. I nitpick myself and scold myself. But, like I said, I’m learning. The first step in giving myself grace is to focus on what I am accomplishing and the small things I’m proud of. I’m proud of how consistent I’ve been with my morning pages. I’m proud of the progress I have made on my current writing project. I’m proud that I take the time to go on walks and move my body. I’m proud I pay my rent every month, clean my apartment every week, and feed myself every day.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Vienna will wait for me. It is okay to slow down sometimes. It’s okay to take a break and then get yourself back on track.