The Artist’s Way - Week Nine

“Do not call the inability to start laziness. Call it fear.”

“Do not call procrastination laziness. Call it fear.”

We’re talking about fear again—fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of inadequacy. I have realized lately that fear plagues me more than I’d like to admit. Particularly, a fear of success. It sounds silly, I know. It stems from issues I have with abandonment and change. I have it in my head that the kind of success I want doesn’t allow for the sustainability of normal relationships or anything stable. I’m afraid that my definition of success inevitably leads to my being isolated from everyone. I’m afraid that even once I reach that level of success, I will still feel unfulfilled. None of this is practical; all of it is a little creative and personally paralyzing.

While impractical, my past experiences have played a part in validating these fears. Add to that some very nasty creative habits. I think discipline is a double-edged sword. On one hand, every artist needs to have some degree of discipline, but there is an overemphasis on the trait. In a competitive industry, it’s natural to prioritize it. My problem is that I prioritize discipline over actually enjoying my work.

I am also painfully independent. I set impossibly high standards for myself and pretty low ones for everyone else. I don’t allow myself to ask for help.

All of this fear and these bad habits result in a lot of procrastination and anxiety. In reality, the bad habits are a direct result of the fear.

So how do we go about fixing it?

Addressing the habits is easier, I think. Work on asking for help. Emphasize enjoyment and fun in my creative process over the discipline of getting a finished product. Fear is a bigger thing. Fear is harder. It takes time to work through. Being aware of its existence and where it comes from is a good first step. I really like the questions at the end of the chapter as a tool in combating it as well.